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Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when Iām awake.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
Pro tip for picking up girls ā keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver