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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.