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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
I was born at a very early age.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL