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I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
Sorry I said "Better you than me" when you showed me your baby.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.