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People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!