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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
The best thing about falling down when you`re home alone is that you can just lie on the floor and take a nap.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...