Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.