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From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?