Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)