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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
The police never think its as funny as I do.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.