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Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
"Everybody freeze!" -December
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
Iād slap you but Iām pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.