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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...