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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.