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If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.