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It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake