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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, I’d like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.