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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.