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Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.