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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?