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You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.