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FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.