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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"