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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.