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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.