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I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.