Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just canβt these days. My phone battery just doesnβt have the stamina any more.
I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
awesome collection!
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.