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Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.