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I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`