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I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Caught myself yelling "F*CK YOU" to my burrito for dripping on my pants, if you were wondering who`s raising the next generation.
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.