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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
Trust me, I am a liar.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?