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Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Serving size ?? LMAO
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.