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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
Insert coin to view my status message.
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.