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Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.