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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook