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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.