Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.