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Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
This Status Update could be yours for six Easy Payments of $19.99
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.