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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned