Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation Iām having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.