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If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
and alcohol are now friends.
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!