Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…