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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.