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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.