Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
Iām not in denial, Iām just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that Iām married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!