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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.