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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
Iām pretty much always down for a snack.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.