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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.