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I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
Iām alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Was just thinking ā¦. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
I`ve given up on giving up.
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?