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Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
Today`s subliminal thought is: …