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I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...