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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day