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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
Find someone you`re good at.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?