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I`m thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/