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Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.