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My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.