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OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
The word bed looks like a bed.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.